Hawaii Done Ugly--Revisited

Last September I wrote about a post about how I had "Done Hawaii Ugly."  It has taken me almost a year, but now I realize that that post revealed something about myself that had nothing to do with ugly hair in Hawaii and everything to do with selfishness.  It had nothing to do with the fact that my sisters-and-mother-in-law are all gorgeous and well put together, and everything to with my insecurities that resulted from utter and total selfishness.

A woman who is concerned with other people--how are you, what can I do for you, what is important to you, how are your children, how are my children, my husband, what can I do to make you feel good about yourself, what can I do to help you recognize God's love, what worries you, what makes you tick, what makes you happy, afraid, grateful--a woman who is concerned with these questions has no time or even thought to comparison statements--wow, look how pretty her hair is, mine doesn't look like that does it, my thighs, my chest, my rear-end don't look like that either, I need to eat less, I need to eat more, what do you eat, is she having some, should I have some more?, I am ugly, they are pretty, I wonder how her children--wow, look at that scarf, at her dress, wow, maybe I should spend more time shopping, I wonder how my husband--oh, I can't think about helping him, I've got to keep comparing, look at her shoes, I don't have shoes like that, I've never cared about shoes, maybe I should care about shoes. . . .

C. S. Lewis wrote, “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone” (Mere Christianity, 1952, 109–10). 

Insecurity is really selfishness.  It is YOU turned inward. It is YOU wondering and worrying about what other people think of YOU.  Ironically, and sadly, not many people are thinking about YOU at all. They are worrying what they look like, seem like, in comparison and so they don't have time to think about lifting you, helping you, loving you.  I have been a slave to that this year and I have really been trying to overcome it because I can see it affecting the relationships with those I love the most.  Ironically, the more I worry about me, the less happy I am.  The more I worry about others, the more confident, joyful, and fulfilled I am even if my shoes aren't cool.

So, please forgive me for that post last year (if you happened to read it).  I am not going to delete it because I want it to remind me of what pride can do to a vacation, a person, and a memory.  It isn't worth it.  People--with all of their gifts, their insights, their passions--are worth it.  That is what is important, not the kind of shoes they have on.