I Do!

I just read a very disturbing article about marriage.  It was titled, "I Don't" and appeared in the June 2010 Newsweek magazine.  The writers of the article basically set forth the reasons that marriage is a failed institution and that there is no need for marriage any longer.  They were confused that a portion of society is fighting against same-sex marriage using the argument that it destroys the "sanctity of marriage."  They commented, "Wait, didn't we already do that?"

Sadly, I agree that much of society already has.  The article describes how Americans have the highest divorce rate in the world.  60% of men and 30% of women will have an affair during their marriage.  1 in 5 marriages will fail in the first 5 years.   And 41% of American births are to unwed (and not just teenage) mothers.  This is the highest figure ever recorded.

The authors Bennett and Ellison state, "With our life expectancy in the high 70s, the idea that we're meant to be together forever is less realistic. . . Heathy partnerships are possible, for sure--but the permanence of marriage seems naive, almost arrogant." (45).   And if that weren't enough, they state, "Just take a look at couples in Europe: they're happier, less religious, and more likely to believe that marriage is an outdated institution, and their divorce rate is a fraction of our own."  (I'm not really sure why that is significant--they aren't even married!)

And, they say, children are not any better off in married families because a study showed that unwed parents in Scandinavia actually spend MORE time with their children than American parents do.  No kidding!  Didn't you just tell us that Americans have the highest divorce rate?  Didn't you just say that kids aren't with their parents because their parents are already divorced?  Didn't you just say that Americans have no idea how to build a sacred marriage?

I guess I was blown away by the absolutely worldliness of the article and it frightened me that these two women were so quick to see nothing of value in something that is literally the center of the plan of happiness.  I can just hear Satan laughing all the way through it.

So, what is my argument?  Why do I think marriage is essential, important, and sacred.  What would I say to these two women if we were to ever meet?

I agree that the world's version of marriage is a disaster.  A marriage that is built on lust, sex, money, and selfishness will dissolve in the first 5 years, or will invite infidelity, and divorce.  When two people get married they create a sacred relationship only if they KEEP it sacred.  If they allow their selfishness, their weaknesses, their boredom with the same person to take over--they will be a divorce statistic.

But God has a better way and it is the very center of His plan for his children.   Marriage in God's way is beautiful, it is safe, it is fun, it is wholesome, it is glorious, and fulfilling.  God has asked us to choose someone we would like to spend our lives with.  He will not make the choice for us, but asks us to choose someone who has the same goals and desires as we do, someone who loves Him even more than they love us, and who is willing and knows how to work.  Once we have chosen that person, He invites us to His holy temple where He will seal our marriage--not just for this life but for forever.

But isn't that unrealistic, my critics would say.  How could someone really want to be with someone for that long?  Won't you get sick of each other?  I have to admit, I did worry about that before I got married.  How could I love my husband forever if I had never even liked a boyfriend for longer than 2 years?  But love is so much more than the kind of "love" you feel when you date.  It is so much more than looking cute while you're bowling.  Love is what is developed through permanence, through commitment, through loyalty.  Love is developed as you laugh and smile and kiss and share intimate moments that you know are not being shared with others.  Love is what is being developed when he holds you and cries with you after your 5th miscarriage, when you heat up soup for him when he is sick, when you watch him give your child a blessing, when he knows your greatest weaknesses and loves you in spite of them.  Love grows out of gathering up all the dimes in your house until you have enough for two shakes at Arctic Circle.  Love grows when he loves you even with your braces, your rubber bands, and your hideous head-gear retainer.  Love grows when you buy your first car, your first house, your first computer together.  Love grows when he comes home for lunch.  Love grows when he holds your hand through the worst contraction and when he cries when his son is born.  Love grows when you pray together and when you read God's word together and alone.  Love grows as you make dinner for him.  Love grows when he cleans the shower for you on a Saturday afternoon.  Love grows when you give up a teaching career so that you can spend time teaching your own beautiful children how to read, build play-doh castles, and how to be a successful human being. Love grows when you see miracles in your life.  Love grows when you get up with the baby and he wakes up to tell you how patient and beautiful you are.  Love comes when you forgive each other for saying something unkind or being thoughtless.  Loves grows when things are hard, but you choose each other instead of someone or something else.  This is the kind of love God wants us to have.  I want Cam with me forever.  I want it to be permanent. I want both of us to know and to commit to its permanence.   I don't want someone new in 5 years.  I want to share my 5 years and my next 50 with him at my side, walking (and cursing) the dog, holding my hand through it all.  It isn't unrealistic, but it does take charity, repentance, forgiveness, and the Savior Jesus Christ.

As the twelve Apostles stated in the Proclamation to the World, "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded on the teachings of Jesus Christ."  Marriage will not work without Him.  And too many people today are trying to do it without Him.  They are making marriage all about THEMSELVES.  They will stick with it as long as THEIR needs are met, not their spouse's, not their children's.  If they will invite Christ into their marriages and their lives, the divorce rate will go down, children will be taught and loved and raised with joy.

And so I say, "I Do" believe in marriage even if the world doesn't.  I have been happily married for 14 1/2 years and I am a better person today than I was on December 30, 1995.  And I have an eternity WITH him to keep improving and to keep drawing closer to him and to the Savior.   I just feel sad that Ms. Bennett and Ms. Ellison won't have that same joy.